The moment Christopher LeMark heard about the death of Stephen tWitch Boss, he knew he wanted to do something to honor his life. Boss, the dancer who first enchanted audiences on So You Think You Can Dance back in 2008 and later became a mainstay on The Ellen DeGeneres Show, had died by suicide at the age of 40.
In that moment, I was instantly sad for him because I know what its like to feel as though you dont have any other choice and youre really, really hurting, says LeMark, a three-time suicide attempt survivor and founder of Coffee, Hip-Hop & Mental Health. But I always had something to hold on to and I just felt sad for him that he didnt have something to hold on to.
A 2021 study in The Journal of the American Medical Association noted that suicide attempts among young Black men was up nearly 80% compared to other races and ethnicities, a statistic that is both disappointing and unsurprising to LeMark.
Theres so much pressure because we live in a society where youre only as good as what you have or what you do and when you dont have and youre not doing, you dont have a certain level of social or financial capital. You are deemed insignificant and thats hard, he says. As men, we really do feel like were not worth anything if you dont have or youre not doing. Its societal pressure, family pressure or maybe your own pressure.
In response to the news about tWitch, LeMark decided to host a conversation for the community at his coffee shop in Chicagos Lakeview neighborhood.
One of our values is offering help in real-time and trying to meet people where they are, he says. And we had a packed house. It was a beautiful feeling. People were talking about their own stuff and thats what it was all abouttrying to honor tWitch with conversation and giving people the room to let out their confusion, frustration and their own fears in real time.
Being a strong Black man
For John Pendelton, founder and creative director of Planks & Pistils design studio in Chicago, tWitchs death hit close to home.
It was like damn, not again, says Pendelton, who originally hails from Alabama, tWitchs home state. This is so tough, especially when its someone who seems so happy and joyful and creative I know the struggles of just having creativity be your livelihood and it feels so hard to process the hard things.
While mental health and therapy are largely taboo topics in the Black community, they are even rarer among Black men, which is why Pendelton is vocal about his experiences both on social media and in real life.
You see a lot on social media about, Im done being a strong Black woman and embracing softness and luxury and I think thats really great, says Pendleton. But with men, I feel like theres not even an equivalent. Theres no such thing as the strong Black man stereotype because thats the default If I want to be a man, period, Ive got to be strong. If I want to be a Black man, then Ive got to really, really be strong.
A lot of men have this understanding that I have to be strong and therapy is an admittance that you have weaknesses, he continues. Therapy is a place to be soft and that is a type of strength.
Removing the stigma
Keanu Jackson, a Brooklyn-based therapist, hosts regular virtual support groups for Black men in an effort to normalize mental health.
Mental health stigma is huge, but in the Black community especially we have a lot of work to do, he says. In a lot of cases, what ends up happening is that folks like to shift blame towards the folks who are experiencing emotional stressors or some sort of suffering.
Whenever the subject of suicide comes up, people are quick to throw up a hotline, but we also need to talk about preventative measures, Jackson continues. Lets talk about what is happening before a person is pushed to the point where they feel like that is their only option.
Instead, they suggest looking toward the larger structural issues, such as a failed healthcare system, and the racial inequities that have created a higher demand for Black therapists, who are already disproportionately underrepresented in their field and facing bias and racism of their own.
For a lot of Black men, theres this unspoken expectation for us to shove our emotions down and almost be emotionless as a representative of strength, says Jackson. To be strong is to be unmoving and its all of our responsibilities to try to adjust that messaging and also understand that it takes time for folks to unlearn that for themselves.
Moving forward, he recommends holding space for grace and patience with each other, as well as accountability when it comes to mental health in the Black community.
Through that accountability and that grace, there can be this sweet spot that shows Black men you dont have to be perfect, you dont have to have all the answers and be working all the time. You can take some time to not do anything. Its about meeting people where they are.
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